Weak

These past weeks, maybe months, I have felt nothing but weak.

Has anyone ever noticed how it hurts more when it is people whom we care or supposed to care about that make as feel small? It seems the more someone means to you the more power they have over us. That is one problem, I guess, with romantic relationships. Dependency. Another whole issue is when it is family. Sometimes it is the most simple things, but those tiny annoying sentences or mockeries just don't leave our mind. I guess with all relationships no matter what kind, there is a fundamental concern, the need for respect. Is this interesting concept not the hardest thing to build and the easiest thing to destroy? I have heard before that people only hold upon us the power that we choose to give them. Rationally I choose to give my father and brother no power what so ever. Years seem to have drained the respect and mostly there seems to have built a lot of resentment. Emotionally they seem to have the power to make me cry. So I ask myself, how can this be changed? I actually can't remember in the last three years crying because of either of them and since I have been "back home" it seems it has been quite often. It is when we feel most vulnerable that questions soon take form. Have our decisions been the most correct, are there no other ways? How long can be actually put up with this all. I mean living under someone else's roof is never an easy task. The cycle eventually leads to looking for broader spaces and some sense of independence. What do you do when you have already had a taste of independence and you believed you might not be whole? Then what do you do when you not sure at all about anything. Some days are easier and others are harder. No matter where we are. I just believe it is sad when we realise certain people don't actually contribute that much, or that you can not remember the last time you felt something genuinly soft towards them.

These past days I have felt weak, for a number of reasons I have cried, for a number of reasons I have argued and I have crumbled. I want to stand back on my own two feet.

Sometimes a Girl cries

Sometimes I think about time. People say things do not live forever. Science says things transform, change. Somewhere I learned what we see, hear, smell and feel is nothing more than chemistry. Hormones and chemical impulses will they last for all my time?

I guess I fear when It all fades away.

Different Worlds

So she finally remarked internally: "My friends are my friends; Your friends are your friends"

Sometimes things are not exactly how she imagines them. It does not mean that is a problem. She begins to learn somethings are out of her control and can not be forced. She is young at heart. She will understand better as time goes on.

Fame

The film

Makes me want to believe.

"Hold your dream - Naturi Naughton"

Countless hours of learning more
Countless hours of knowing less
Can't look behind you
You have to look ahead.

So many doubts running through your mind
All the excuses
Don't have the time
All the rejection you have to leave behind

Leave it all behind

Hold your dreams
Don't ever let it go
Be yourself
And let the world take notice

You'll find strength
When people bring you down
They will see
If you will only, only believe

Someway, Somehow
Don't give up now
Don't be afraid to succeed

Someway, somehow
The time is right now
Don't be afraid to succeed

Hold your dreams
Don't ever let it go
Be yourself
And let the world take notice

You'll find strength
When people bring you down
They will see
If you will only, only believe.