Some words I wish I thought to say...

"Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple:
To be Happy.
Maybe it is the expectation though... the wanting to be Happy, that just keeps us from ever getting there!

Maybe the more we try and will ourselves to states of bliss the more confused we get.
To the point we don't recognize ourselves, instead we just keep smiling. Trying like Hell to be the happy people we wish we were.


Until Eventually it hits us. It has been here all along.

Not in our dreams and hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar!"

(From: Grey's Anatomy)

I carry so much emotion. I don't know where from it comes.

Hard Subjects / Contraversal Issues

The sentence “Living is better than dying, until it's not” stands out in my mind. The controversial issue of choosing to die instead of living.

The notion of loving someone with every part of your being but having that one single break or deal point, like one wanting a family the other not.

That hard look into your soul finding a sea of fearfulness that impedes true living scaring tears of regret.

Directions

Decision made. Future unknown! Excited to travel along the path doing the best I can.

Best decision?

To be A or to be B?



choosing, decision making, knowing which way to go...



I have never really been a fan of this activity. I consider myself a really poor decision maker.



At the moment I need to figure out if I want to do my masters in an area that I believe has always been my passion... though I have no certain proof it to be what moves me. Or better yet, no certainty that I will be able to cope with this area as it is also something that scares me. It ain't an easy area nor does it seem to provide a vivadly prosperous future (in this country at least).

On the other hand an area of masters that could provide a more solid ground financially (especially in this country) and hopefully also and area of interest.

Unfortunatly there are no certain ideas, there is no way to say that if I do this or that, x or y will definitly be the outcome. On the other hand maybe that is a good thing, a good thing that life is not an exact equation.

I have a desire for control I like things in order, I wish to always know what is happening and what might be coming, therefore I want to account for all the variables and in this case, it does not work.

I carry on then, in a state of uncertainty, and I don't like it...

@London

How wonderful to re-visit a place I love. Faces and Hugs I cherish so much. Internal conflict between bliss, a feeling of sadness and many question marks. I guess we never know how the different paths we choose in our lifes will turn out for us...

Well here is to making the very most of where I am, loving with open arms and working to be the most I can.

Note to self -remember there is a huge world out there for me to discover...