Trigger

One simple sentence, can hurt so much.
"Nothing but a trigger..." A sentence, simple in tone, simple in meaning.
One simple sentence, can hurt... not because it is true but because it draws attention to the reality of pain I caused.

I have never seen myself as a very bright person, reality shows me I am able to ignore, avoid and repress effectively at a grater degree than many. I tend not to think. Thinking, again... it hurts. I tend not to want to understand the whole picture when the pieces of the puzzle are not to my liking, then when someone draws the grander image, I crumble as I tended to ignore, repress or not think the whole story through.

"Nothing but a trigger..."
I seem to be able to live my life in a somewhat absence of concern of a everyday bases. This is, until certain days when I feel myself confronted with the issues of hours, months or years. Same days I find myself questioning and the pieces of my puzzle of life always feel scrambled and confusing. Half the time things do not even make sense. It is easy to just let time go by and avoid thinking or feeling things through, it is harder when they surface and you not prepared.

It is so hard for me to think about how I feel, what I felt, what I could feel in the "future".
It is so hard for me to think about how much pain I cause, caused or could came to cause in the "future".
Sometimes, it is so hard for me. But I do not feel the tinniest bit of sympathy towards me.